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Looking California and Feeling Minnesota: Episode 150 - If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

On this episode, Barry and I climb through a gaping hole in our ceiling to discuss filmmaker Mary Bronstein's terrific movie meditation on the madness of motherhood, If I Had Legs I'd Kick You, starring Rose Byrne. Topics discussed include the undeniable talent of Rose Byrne, Bronstein's deft direction, and the small movie's big time friends. Also included in the pod is a discussion about the all-time great acting icon Robert Duvall, who died this week at 95.

Looking California and Feeling Minnesota: Episode 150 - If I Had legs I'd Kick You

Thanks for listening!

©2026

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You: A Review - The Madness and Mania of Motherhood

****THIS IS A SPOILER FREE REVIEW!! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS ZERO SPOILERS!!****

My Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

My Recommendation: SEE IT. Be forewarned, this film isn’t so much a dramedy as it is a horror-comedy that is nightmare fuel for parents…it also features a terrific performance from Rose Byrne.

If I Had Legs I’d Kick You, written and directed by Mary Bronstein, follows the travails of Linda, a mother who must deal with a plethora of disasters in her life all while caring for her chronically ill daughter.

The film, which stars Rose Byrne – who is nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress for her work, opened in theatres back on October 10th, and is now streaming on HBO Max…which is where I just watched it.

The basic plot of If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is that Linda (Rose Byrne) is caring for her daughter, who I guess is maybe 7 or 8 years old, who has a mysterious chronic condition that requires a feeding tube. Linda is caring for her daughter while working full-time as a psychotherapist and while her husband is away for a few months for his work. In other words, Linda is on her own and has her hands full…and life keeps throwing one catastrophe after another at her until she is overwhelmed by the sheer scope and scale of disasters in her life.

The film bills itself as a psychological comedy-drama…which is sort of a tortured way to describe it. When I was about two-thirds of the way through the film I finally recognized what the movie really is…it is a horror movie. I think if you watch the movie as a horror film it will actually make a lot more sense and it will heighten its positive attributes.

If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is a difficult film to watch…that’s not to say it’s bad because it isn’t, but it is extremely effective and affecting. The odyssey that Linda goes on and the gauntlet she endures is the stuff of real-world nightmares. Any parent will immediately recognize the hell on earth that Linda is living through and will be greatly uncomfortable. Every parent has been through those times when everything is off and everything goes wrong and you have a bad day…or even a bad week…but Linda’s torment goes on for months and it is excruciating to witness.

Filmmaker Mary Bronstein does a terrific job of using all the tools at her disposal to increase the anxiety of viewers throughout, most notably through sound…the constant sound of the daughter’s over-night feeding device beeping, or the incredulously grating sound of the daughter’s voice whenever she opens her mouth…all of it adds to the tension.

Bronstein also is very clever in that she puts all the focus on Byrne’s Linda and just uses the child as a prop of agitation…so much so that you never see the daughter’s face. The faceless daughter is not an object of love to be adored, she is an irritant to be endured. In this way Bronstein effectively captures what it’s like to be in the worst moments of parenthood…unfortunately for Linda this moment lasts for months on end and not an afternoon.

Rose Byrne has gotten much acclaim for her performance in the film, and there’s an outside chance she wins a Best Actress Oscar for it…and it would be well-deserved. She is fantastic as the haggard Linda, who is constantly on the verge of absolutely losing her mind and with it her shit.

Byrne has always been an under-rated actress, and seeing her embrace such a tortured and ugly role is a joy and reveals her to be quite the subtle craftswoman. Watching Byrne’s Linda shift the masks she wears in public for differing audiences…be they her daughter, her daughter’s doctor, her clients, her own therapist, her neighbors…and have it all be believable no matter how unbelievable she is, is impressive. Her performance is akin to watching as frog in a pot of water as it slowly boils…as it is both captivating and cruel.

The film is not perfect though, as it has some stories and character arcs that are pretty ineffective. For example, there’s a whole storyline involving James, Linda’s neighbor, that doesn’t make a bit of sense and sort of sucks the life out of the film every time it takes center stage. James is played by rapper ASAP Rocky, and he is, to be kind – a lifeless screen presence.

On the plus side, Conan O’Brien has a small supporting role as Linda’s therapist and he does a good job at being a douchebag…which I found amusing.

Speaking of amusing, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You certainly has funny moments but it doesn’t feel like a comedy. The laughs it generates are more a function of anxiety and tension than anything else. The biggest joke of all, of course, is just the Book of Job-like, continuous onslaught of horribleness that is perpetually inflicted upon poor Linda.

Ultimately, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is a grueling endurance test for parents to watch…but it does bring with it some psychological insight and the briefest sprinkling of profundity, which all parents will recognize when it rears its head.

That said, I watched the film on my own, and I would be very curious to know what mothers think of it as I think it may cut way too close to the bone for even the most-hearty of matriarchs to endure. I mean, if a mother finally gets some free time, and they use it to watch a movie, do they want that movie to essentially be a horror film about a cavalcade of awful parenting shit being thrown at the lovely Rose Byrne who gets buried under a mountain of said shit? I honestly don’t know.

Mothers may find catharsis in the film by seeing themselves and their struggle, or they may leave the movie more anxious than when they went in. Who knows?

All I will say is that I think overall, the film is well-made by Mary Bronstein, and Rose Byrne gives a terrific performance as Linda. If you have the stomach for it, I recommend you at least give If I Had Legs I’d Kick You a try…but go in knowing it is essentially a horror film for parents…with a few laughs sprinkled throughout.

©2026  

'They Are Us' and the Tragedy Trap

The shutting down of ‘They Are Us’, the film about the Christchurch massacre of 2019, is the right thing to do for the wrong reason

Artists and audiences need time and emotional distance from a tragedy and trauma before they can make and appreciate any worthwhile cinema about it.

Last week pre-production for the film They Are Us, which intended to dramatize Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s response to the killing of 51 Muslim worshipers by a white supremacist in Christchurch in 2019, was shut down due to outrage from New Zealand’s Muslim community which deemed the project “insensitive” and “obscene”.

The film, which had Rose Byrne set to star as Ardern, is now “on hold” and may have a difficult time exiting its self-induced purgatory. And maybe that’s for the best, at least for the time being.

I’m conflicted when it comes to this controversy, as I don’t believe that any group of people being offended, even righteously offended, by a film should ever stifle a project, but I also think that making a movie out of a recent tragedy is a bad idea because it rarely produces worthwhile cinema.

Generally, when a movie rushes to recount a recent tragedy it’s either cynically exploiting trauma to make a quick dollar, or it’s a piece of propaganda meant to manipulate the public.

In the case of They Are Us, it may very well be a combination of the two.

It’s highly curious to make a film focusing on a politician’s reaction to a recent real-life tragedy when that politician is still active in the political arena. It seems likely that They Are Us would be cashing in on a horrific tragedy by making a two-hour campaign commercial for Jacinda Ardern, which doesn’t exactly sound very artistically compelling.

The They Are Us controversy brought to my mind Clint Eastwood’s American Sniper (2014), which told the story of Chris Kyle, a famed Navy SEAL murdered in 2013.

Kyle’s father told Eastwood “disrespect my son and I’ll unleash hell”, so the director dutifully made a hagiography that played up Kyle’s legend and ignored his fabulist tales of punching Jesse Ventura, shooting carjackers and sniping looters in New Orleans.

American Sniper was a propaganda popcorn movie and made tons of money by watering down not only Kyle’s complexity but the Iraq War’s as well. While commercially successful, artistically it was ultimately forgettable as it shamelessly promoted myth in favor of exploring truth.

I’ve a sneaking suspicion They Are Us would follow the same empty path regarding Ahearn and the massacre. Truth is that time and emotional distance are needed for artists to make noteworthy cinema about tragic events and audiences to be able to make sense of them.

For example, the bloodiest year for the U.S. in Vietnam was 1968 and it took a decade before Hollywood could adequately make a movie about that war. Deer Hunter (1978) and Apocalypse Now (1979) were the first to successfully ponder the Vietnam fiasco, with Oliver Stone’s Platoon (1986) and Born of the Fourth of July (1989), and Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket (1987) continuing the exploration nearly a decade later.

Time and emotional distance greatly aided these films, their filmmakers and the viewers who digested them, as artists and audiences simply weren’t capable of diving into the horror of Vietnam in its immediate aftermath.

Oliver Stone has often gone back to examine the unhealed wounds of the American psyche. Twenty-eight years after JFK’s assassination he made his masterpiece JFK (1991), and twenty years after Richard Nixon’s downfall he made the brilliantly astute Nixon (1995).

The previously mentioned Vietnam war films and the Oliver Stone historical dramas succeeded artistically because they were constructed on a foundation of reason, and upon that foundation emotion and drama were built, whereas films made closer to traumatic events are usually built on a flimsy foundation of heightened emotion and therefore lack all meaning and purpose besides emoting and manipulating.

Speaking of manipulation, a perfect example of a movie exploiting an event for propaganda purposes is Zero Dark Thirty, which purported to tell the tale of the hunt for Osama Bin Laden.

Zero Dark Thirty premiered in December of 2012, a quick year and nine months after Bin Laden’s killing, and was propaganda meant to lionize the Obama administration and the intelligence community as it played up the effectiveness of torture and played down its barbarity.

Similarly, United 93, directed by Paul Greengrass, premiered four and half years after 9-11 and exploited the raw emotion of that trauma to indelibly imprint upon the public’s consciousness through drama the government’s version of that heinous event.

Greengrass also made 22 July, about the 2011 massacre in Norway. 22 July came out in 2018, and like United 93, even some time had passed from the traumatic event it recounted, the emotional trauma was still too fresh. Both films are well made but the wounds they probed were too fresh for any valuable insights to be uncovered.

In contrast, Greengrass’s greatest film, Bloody Sunday, about the Bloody Sunday massacre in the north of Ireland by British troops in 1972, came out in 2002, thirty years after the events depicted. And while that movie is viscerally jarring and emotionally unnerving, it’s also powerfully poignant and insightful in ways that United 93 and 22 July simply aren’t because it had the benefit of time, distance and perspective.  

As for They Are Us, maybe a decade from now a worthwhile movie about the Christchurch massacre could be made as both artists and audiences will have had time to process that tragic event and be open to insights and interpretations of it that they’re immune to in the current, more emotionally fraught moment. Any movie made sooner than that will most assuredly only be exploiting trauma, rather exploring it for deeper meaning.

 A version fo this article was published at RT.

©2021