Caught Stealing: A Review – A Criminally Awful Movie

****THIS IS A SPOILER FREE REVIEW!! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS ZERO SPOILERS!!****

My Rating: 1 out of 5 stars

My Recommendation: SKIP IT. An instantly forgettable and irritatingly moronic movie that when it isn’t being incoherent is idiotic.

Caught Stealing, directed by Darren Aronofsky and starring Austin Butler, is a “black comedy crime thriller” that follows the travails of Hank (Butler), a former baseball player turned alcoholic bartender who unwittingly gets mixed up with a bevy of New York criminal gangs. 

I vividly remember twenty-five years ago seeing director Darren Aronofsky’s film Requiem for a Dream (2000) - a gritty and cinematic examination of addiction, and immediately thinking, “this guy is gonna be something!”

A quarter of a century later I have been proven absolutely correct in my assessment, Aronofsky has become “something”, but unfortunately the “something” he has become is the feckless hack who made Caught Stealing, one of the more abysmal and idiotic films of the year.

It didn’t have to be this way. Aronofsky, a graduate of the esteemed AFI Conservatory, started out making ambitious arthouse fare like PI (1998), and then graduated to ambitious arthouse projects with some crossover mainstream appeal, such as the previously mentioned Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain (2006), The Wrestler (2008) and Black Swan (2010).

All of these movies were very good…but never quite touched upon greatness…but what they did most of all was showcase Aronofsky’s potential. They left cinephile/film bros like me with the feeling that Aronofsky was going to make the leap one day and become THE GUY.

In 2014 Aronofsky attempted to make that leap to even more mainstream success than he had with The Wrestler and Black Swan, with the big budget movie Noah (2014) starring Russell Crowe – based on the biblical tale.

Noah was a very moderate box office success (it made $359 million - essentially breaking even due to its large budget), but it was a horrendously awful film – just utter garbage from start to finish.

It was at this point that the Aronofsky film bro bubble burst like the deluge that flooded the earth in Noah.

Following Noah, Aronofsky made Mother! (2019), a very ambitious, dare I say experimental, arthouse film starring Jennifer Lawrence (at the height of her powers), and it was universally panned and flopped at the box office. The wheels seemed to be off the wagon at that point.

Aronofsky’s most recent film was The Whale (2022) a truly insipid piece of dramatic detritus that won Brendan Fraser a Best Actor Oscar (yes, that really happened despite all of us forgetting about it…or trying to forget about it).

Despite Aronofsky’s failings on Noah, Mother! and The Whale, at least he was trying…failing but trying. With Caught Stealing, it feels as if the wheels aren’t just off the Aronofsky wagon, but the wheelless wagon is overturned in a ditch and Aronofsky is next to it curled in fetal position weeping uncontrollably in a pile of horse manure.

For such a promising talent like Aronofsky to make such a dead-eyed, instantly forgettable, truly idiotic piece of trash like Caught Stealing isn’t just disappointing, it is frightening. I mean, if he could fall so low as to make this movie, how low could the rest of us fall in our own lives? Yes, I am sure Aronofsky was paid more to make this movie than I’ve ever made in my entire life…but you get my point.

Caught Stealing is lazy and stupid and useless. It is a “black comedy” that is allergic to being funny. It is a crime thriller devoid of thrills.

The script, written by Charlie Huston - based upon his book of the same name, is incoherent and moronic. There are all sorts of incomprehensible plot twists and a cornucopia of caricatures in place of characters, and none of it makes sense or even remotely captivates or compels.

The performances all feel like something out of a sixth-grade talent show.

Austin Butler is supposed to be the next big thing. I was believing the hype on young Austin, as I thought he was good in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Elvis, and Dune II. But let me tell you…after seeing Butler’s star turn in Caught Stealing I have come to realize he ain’t no burgeoning movie star. He might be a successful supporting actor type guy, but he can’t carry a movie to save his life.

Butler is brutally bad as Hank. He is obviously hampered by the trite and inane script, but Butler does himself no favors with a lifeless and mannered performance. He is so devoid of charisma and screen presence they would’ve been better served casting an inanimate carbon rod in the role instead.

Other once promising actors find themselves wallowing in the same shit script as Butler…as Regina King, Zoe Kravitz, Matt Smith, Liev Schreiber, Griffin Dune, Carol Kane and my old friend Vincent D’Onofrio all turn in gruesomely amateurish performances that sully their reputations.

Caught Stealing bombed at the box office, making $32 million on a $65 million budget, and is now streaming on Netflix, which is where I saw it. The film runs an hour and forty-seven minutes, and is right at home among the usual mindless Netflix slop. This is the type of movie you watch while scrolling on your phone or while having sex with your girlfriend on the couch after your parents go to bed early.

I wish Darren Aronofsky was good. I wanted Darren Aronofsky to be great. But Darren Aronofsky isn’t good and he isn’t great…he’s the guy who made the thoughtless, mindless, worthless Caught Stealing. How disheartening.

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