KIDS KORNER! – Three Reviews in One – The Minecraft Movie, Dog Man, and Sonic 3...Plus - Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin!!

**THESE ARE SPOILER FREE REVIEW!! THESE REVIEWS CONTAIN ZERO SPOILERS!!**

A Minecraft Movie: 2.5 stars – STREAM IT

Dog Man: 2 stars – SKIP IT/STREAM IT

Sonic 3: 2.75 stars – STREAM IT

As the father of a young child, I watch a good deal of movies geared toward children, and I have never written a review of these movies because kids don’t read my stunningly sophisticated screeds.

But you know who might read my film diatribes? Parents. So, I figured since we are in a pretty deep drought in terms of new quality cinema for me to write about, why not write about some of the kid’s movies I’ve seen in recent months in theatres.

Years ago, comedian Bobcat Goldthwait did a bit about the biggest change that occurs in your life after having children is that you now watch a cavalcade of inanely shitty movies and tv shows…which is a spot-on observation. It’s even worse now as there is so much content, and so much of it is dogshit, that when something is even remotely average it feels like you’re watching Citizen Kane.

That said, it is a lot of fun to watch a movie with your child and watch them watch it. Seeing your child just get lost in a story and laugh and enjoy themselves is heaven. Of course, when you’re watching the screen and not your child, it feels like hell.

That said, there is something very freeing about watching a piece of corporate IP entertainment that is so alien to you that you feel like you’re watching a foreign film from a country you didn’t know existed after having been lobotomized. It triggers a level of dissociation and detachment that feels either like a weird Buddhist accomplishment or a psychotic nervous breakdown.

For example, let’s start with the most recent movie, A Minecraft Movie, which has been an absolute blockbuster at the box office since it hit theatres on April 4th, hauling in $550 million in its first two weeks of release.

The film is based on the video game Minecraft, and is directed by Jared Hess and written by half a dozen writers I’ve never heard of. The film stars Jack Black, Jason Mamoa, Danielle Brooks and Emma Myers and features a supporting performance from Jennifer Coolidge.

I am not a gamer so I’ve never played Minecraft. We restrict our son’s video game time pretty tightly, but he does play video games and Minecraft is one of the games he plays….so I’ve heard about the game and get the basic gist of it.

A Minecraft Movie has a plot…but it makes absolutely zero sense to me. I didn’t understand it and didn’t really want to understand it. Jack Black plays a guy named Steve who is stuck in the Minecraft world, and Jason Mamoa plays Garrett, a guy who in his youth was a world champion video game player but is now a rudderless loser.

Then there’s Sebastian Hansen who plays Henry, a new kid in school in a small town, and his older sister, Natalie played by Emma Myers,who is taking care of him because their mom died.

I don’t know what else to say about the plot except the story really takes place in Minecraft world and there’s an evil pig, and skeletons and zombies and weird villagers.

The movie follows a familiar kid movie formula in that it gets a funny man to lead the festivities, in this case Jack Black, who will appeal to parents, and places them in a world that will appeal to kids.

Is A Minecraft Movie good? No, it’s not. Is it at least tolerable? Yes, it is. It has some funny moments in it. Jack Black does Jack Black things, Jason Mamoa does Jason Mamoa things, Jennifer Coolidge does Jennifer Coolidge things, and Emma Myers is cute and easy on the eyes, so…mission accomplished.

Will kids love it? Well, my kid did…as did every other kid and twenty something in the theatre when I saw it…so I guess so. It’s a perfect movie to watch with your child when it hits streaming.

The next movie is Dog Man, an animated film based on the very popular Dav Pilkey book series of the same name.

Dog Man, which is written and directed by Peter Hastings, hit theatres on January 31st, and was a moderate success at the box office, garnering $137 million on a $40 million budget.

We’ve been reading Dog Man books with my son for quite a while. He really enjoys them and I find them to be extremely clever and amusing, so when we saw they were making a Dog Man movie we were pretty psyched.

We went and saw Dog Man opening day and I have to say, it was pretty disappointing. The film tries to capture the unique energy of the books, but doesn’t quite get there, and the end result is a rather frenetic and frustrating viewing experience.

The film is not as clever as the books, or as engaging, and I have to say the film lacks the heart and soul that the books radiate. It all feels so second-rate and so flimsy that it was impossible to walk out of the theatre feeling great.

My son loved it because he loves Dog Man and he loved seeing it come to life, but the movie was much too thrown together and sloppy for me to really appreciate on any level.

If you stream it and watch it with your kids, you’ll probably end up looking at your phone three quarters of the time.

The final film is Sonic 3, which hit theatres on December 20, 2024. The film, directed by Jeff Fowler, stars Jim Carrey, Krysten Ritter, James Marsden and Ben Shwartz and is based on the video game of the same name.

I was at a great disadvantage when watching Sonic 3 because I had not seen Sonic 1 or 2…or at least I didn’t remember seeing Sonic 1 or 2. Although I do have a Sonic story to tell.

Back in the 1990’s, I worked at a Sonic competition at the Hard Rock Café in Boston. There were all these contestants playing Sonic against each other on giant screen tv’s, and the winner got some monetary prize.

All I did was stand there (I was security) and bullshit with my friends. I remember this gig because I worked it with the great Boston stage actor Doug Marsden, and he and I were busting balls and cracking jokes the entire time. The sight of Doug, who was a very intense presence (he was like the Harvey Keitel of the Boston stage), yelling passionately at the tv screens “look out for the sticky shit!!” while nerdy twenty-somethings were competing against one another, made me laugh as hard as anything in my life.

The highlight of the day came at the end when the women running the event gave me a free Sega video game console…which to a broke young dude like me was like being gifted pure gold.

Anyway…that is all I know of Sonic.

My son has seen all the Sonic movies and was psyched for the new one, so since it came out on the last day of school before Christmas break, we played hooky and went and saw the movie.

Watching Sonic was like an out of body experience for me. I was so clueless as to what was going on, and who everybody was, it disoriented me to such a great extent I felt like I was undergoing some sort of mind-altering psychiatric treatment.

I could not even begin to recount the plot of this film, or anything that happened in it. I do remember Jim Carrey was there and he was doing a lot of Jim Carrey things. In fact, Jim Carrey has duel roles in the film, neither of which I fully comprehended…but I was aware that it was Jim Carrey times two….which is an awful lot of Jim Carrey.

There were some moments that made me laugh but for the life of me I cannot remember them now. I vaguely remember Jim Carrey doing some odd dance sequence with himself.

My son loved the movie…as did the entirety of the packed theatre where I watched it. When certain reveals occurred, none of which I understood, there were twenty-somethings in my screening who went absolutely apeshit. They were losing their minds over this movie.

The audience excitement over the film made the movie-watching experience fun, as did my son’s giddy response to the movie.

It seems to me that Sonic 3, which is now streaming on Paramount+, is a movie that kids will thoroughly enjoy and parents can tolerate…which is a perfect combo.

In closing, I do have some parenting advice. As awful as some kid’s movies are…there are some quality choices in movies that you can make which will not only entertain you and your children, but also give them a decent history of cinema.

For example, my son and I love to watch Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin and Harold Lloyd movies. One of my proudest moments was when my son told people his all-time favorite movie was Buster Keaton’s The General…and when he chose all on his own to be Charlie Chaplin’s Tramp character for Halloween (and he was awesome at it!!).

The Chaplin films are a goldmine because they are heartfelt and also funny. Keaton is a treasure trove because his stunt work is so exquisite as to be unbelievable. And Harold Lloyd is a hidden gem for his breathtaking stunt work.

These films are great to watch with kids because they work on multiple levels, the first being physical comedy, and kids love physical comedy. Secondly, they are sweet in nature, and third, there isn’t much dialogue, and so even if your child can’t read, you can read the dialogue to them and it becomes an interactive experience and dare it say it…teaching moment.

Anyway…here are a few classic movies to watch with your kids that will keep them thoroughly entertained.

Harold Lloyd – Safety Last!

Buster Keaton – The General, Sherlock Jr., Steamboat Bill Jr., The Navigator.

Charlie Chaplin – The Kid, Modern Times, City Lights, The Gold Rush, The Circus.

Alright, that’s all I got folks. Whether you are young or old, with children or without, I recommend all of these silent classics…and I wish you luck navigating the modern maze of children’s entertainment which is a minefield with movies like A Minecraft Movie, Dog Man and Sonic 3.

©2025

Looking California and Feeling Minnesota: Episode 49 - Dune

On this episode, Barry and I head to Arrakis to ponder Denis Villaneuve's sprawling space epic Dune. Topics touched upon include Villaneuve's appealing style but curious lack of brand, Jason Mamoa as a force of nature, and Barry's highly erotic and inappropriate man-crush on Timothee Chalamet.

Looking California and Feeling Minnesota: Episode 49 - Dune

Thanks for listening!

©2021

Aquaman: A Review

****THIS IS A SPOILER FREE REVIEW!! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS ZERO SPOILERS!!!****

My Rating: 1 out of 5 stars

Popcorn Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

My Recommendation: SKIP IT. A real bore of a superhero movie that is as odious as week old chum.

Aquaman, written by David Leslie Johnson and Will Beale and directed by James Wan, is the origin story of DC comic book superhero Aquaman, who is the bastard son of a queen from the underwater empire of Atlantis. The film stars Jason Mamoa as Aquaman with supporting turns from Nicole Kidman, Willem Dafoe, Amber Heard and Patrick Wilson.

Having spent the last few months almost exclusively at the art house and reeking of its pretentiousness, I decided to head out to the cineplex in search of some mindless fun. Aquaman is putting up Black Panther-esque numbers at the box office as it has made nearly a billion dollars since its release in late December and has come in first in the money tally for three straight weekends, so I figured it would be a good choice for my descent back into the cinema of the unwashed hoi polloi.

The problem with Aquaman is not that it is mindless fun, the problem with it is that it is so mindless that it is absolutely no fun. The film is so chock full of nonsense it feels like a parody of a superhero film. This version of Aquaman made me feel as if the dead eyed Vincent Chase from HBO’s faux-Hollywood sexploitation show Entourage really did get to make his Aquaman movie in real life.

A few weeks ago I saw a headline that read “Director James Wan Says to Blame Him if Aquaman Fails”. It is nice to know who to blame. I am sure that Wan was referring to the film’s box office and not its artistic merit when he spoke of failure, but since I judge a movie on its merits and not its finances, I’ll still point the finger at Wan. Although to be fair, Wan is not the sole owner of blame for Aquaman’s stinkiness. The suits at Warner Brothers and their DC point man Goeff Johns are just as guilty if not more so than Wan. I mean, who thought up this monstrosity and more importantly, who thought it would be a good idea?

Aquaman is such a derivative and unoriginal bore it is like a sea serpent that wraps itself around you and slowly suffocates you to death over two and a half long hours. It is so unrelenting in its imbecility that the harder you fight against it the harder it squeezes the life out of you until you simply acquiesce and let it drown you in its inanity.

The film is basically trying to turn Aquaman into King Arthur of the Sea or something but is so convoluted and tone deaf it ends up being less an homage to that myth than a vomiting up of a rancid cliche fish stew of every other super hero movie. The pacing and the tone are all over the place, the narrative structure is distractingly serpentine and the film lacks any and all thematic and dramatic depth.

On the bright side, Jason Mamoa is a very likable actor and to his credit, at the very least, proves himself worthy of carrying a big budget action film for two and a half hours, which is no small feat. But even his charms wear pretty thin as he has to repeat the same old tired superhero moves over and over again. In the opening fight sequence, I counted at least three times that Momoa’s Aquaman did the standard superhero three point landing along with three superhero “gonna kick some ass” looks with accompanying music cues, and that was just in the first 5 minutes of Mamoa’s screen time. So much posing, so little time…how exhausting that must have been.

As I said, I like Jason Mamoa, and frankly it is to his credit that I cannot imagine anyone else playing the part anymore. Mamoa has a natural charm and charisma on screen and combined with his surfer dude/biker gang persona, makes his Aquaman palatable. Although to be fair, I probably like Jason Mamoa because we look so much alike. If it weren’t for the fact that he is a little bit shorter and has a slightly higher body fat percentage than me, we could be identical twins.

As for the rest of the cast, they pretty much embarrass themselves by being stuck in this dull and ridiculous farce. Having worked with coaching clients on roles like these, I know how hard they can be. I have clients rolling around on my office floor fighting imaginary monsters all the time, and let me tell you, it is one of the most difficult things for an actor to do. Buying into this sort of nonsense, especially when the script is so hackneyed, takes a Herculean effort and a great deal of self-confidence and commitment. That is why I felt so bad for poor Willem Dafoe, who deserves so much better than this mess, or Nicole Kidman and Patrick Wilson, who had to do all of this foolishness with a straight face. I also felt awful for Amber Heard, who is absolutely dreadful in her role and seems like a puppy lost on a highway.

To the actor’s and film’s credit, it is not only a tremendous filmmaking accomplishment but a tremendous evolutionary accomplishment just to get this film made at all. I mean, how all of these actors were able to hold their breath underwater for such long takes is literally a miracle. Add to that the fact that they were able to speak all of their dialogue so clearly and engage in very complicated fight choreography despite the lack of oxygen and under the massive pressure of the ocean, is a staggering achievement for humanity. And then to think that it wasn’t just the actors under water for hours on end for days, weeks and months, but the crew as well. I shudder to think of the poor hair and makeup people and how they kept everyone beautiful at such cold, pressure filled depths.

Another group that deserves credit are the animal wranglers on the set. I had no idea that sea creatures, from great white sharks to giant squid to octopus to giant crabs, could be so tamed and controllable. To see Willem Dafoe riding a hammerhead shark with such aplomb is not only a testament to the death-defying skill of Dafoe, but to the professionalism of the shark as well. I know the Academy Awards scuttled the Popular Film category this year, but I hope they consider a Best Non-Human Acting category in order to reward the fish cast of Aquaman, because they sure as hell deserve it!

In conclusion, Aquaman didn’t make me angry because it was so bad, it simply made me tune out very early on because of its repetitive and stultifying dullness. As someone who is one of those rare people who actually liked DC’s Batman v Superman and mildly approved of Justice League, I had no use for the mess that is Aquaman. Even if you love superhero movies, you can skip this one in the theatre and see it on Netflix for free. If you are even remotely less than a superhero uber-fanatic, there is no reason to ever waste your time watching this stinky and decaying fish tale.

©2019

Justice League: A Review

***THIS IS A SPOILER FREE REVIEW!!! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS ZERO SPOILERS!!!***

My Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

My Recommendation: SEE IT/SKIP IT: See it in the theatre if you are a comic book/superhero film fan, it is worth the effort. If you are lukewarm or ambivalent about comic book/superhero films then feel free to skip it in the theatre and see it on Netflix or cable. 

Justice League, written by Joss Whedon and Chris Terrio and directed by Zack Snyder (with re-shoots directed by Whedon), is the fifth film in the D.C. Extended Universe and is a sequel to Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice. The film is the completion of the origin story of the Justice League, which is a collection of superheroes who join together to fight evil. The film stars Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Jason Mamoa, Ezra Miller and Henry Cavill. 

My experience of Justice League was very similar to my experience of 2016's Batman v. Superman (BvS). I did not see Batman v. Superman until very late in its theatrical run, therefore even though I do not read reviews, I had seen enough headlines to understand that the film was not widely loved…or even mildly liked. With my expectations very low I went and saw Batman v. Superman and much to my shock and amazement I joined the rarest of groups, the handful of people who actually enjoyed Batman v Superman a great deal. It wasn't a perfect movie but it was certainly better than all of the negative buzz that was floating around about it.

When Justice League came out last month on November 17th, I once again avoided reviews but was still exposed to a deluge of negative buzz surrounding the film before I saw it on December 19. And just like when I saw Batman v. Superman, the theatre for Justice League was deserted except for the three other people.  And…just like with Batman v. Superman, my expectations were in the gutter for Justice League and either in spite of or because of that, the movie was able to greatly exceed them leaving me most pleasantly surprised. 

Justice League is supposed to be DC's attempt (at Warner Brothers insistence) at "lightening things up" from the dark themes and tone of BvS and being more "audience friendly". While I am not a fan of "lightening things up" in general and was attracted to the darkness of Batman v. Superman, I was not turned off by the more approachable tone of Justice League. Would I have liked a much darker version? Most definitely…but Justice League held onto enough darkness that it maintained a certain superhero gravitas that I found compelling. 

It has been my experience that while the rest of the world adores the Marvel franchise, I am more temperamentally suited for the brooding DC universe. The DC films have on the whole been pretty uneven, with Batman v. Superman, Wonder Woman and Justice League being pretty good and Suicide Squad and Man of Steel being abysmally bad. What I liked about Batman v. Superman and Justice League are that they are both cloaked in a very heavy, existential angst that regular folk may find boring and impenetrable, but which I find very philosophically intriguing and creatively courageous. In contrast, I find the Marvel films to be much too light-hearted and frivolous and to be lacking in visual and narrative texture. Marvel films are made for kids while DC films, at least Batman v. Superman and Justice League, are made for tormented kids who've grown old. While Justice League is definitely not a great film, it is probably at best an average cinematic venture, but it is still considerably better than many of the Marvel/Avenger movies. 

Justice League benefits greatly from Zack Snyder's visual style that gives the film a distinct look and feel that the flat and cinematically dull Marvel films lack entirely. Snyder's Justice League world looks like something out of a Hieronymus Bosch hellscape, which is only heightened by its being populated  by hordes of villains, para-demons, who may very well have flown out of a Bosch painting. Snyder has always thrived when it comes to giving a film a distinguishing and original look, and so it is with Justice League.

On the other hand, Snyder has always struggled with narrative clarity and cohesion and while he doesn't excel at that in Justice League, he doesn't entirely flounder either. Justice League is more coherently structured than Batman v. Superman and flows better, that comes at the expense of dumbing things down and settling for a standard and generic approach over a more complex and challenging one.

I had a chance to see the extended directors cut of Batman v Superman and thought it added a great deal to the film and I hope that Warner Brothers releases an extended Zack Snyder cut of Justice League as well at some point as I think that Snyder can be at his best when he is free of the restraints of running length and focus groups. 

Justice League is greatly enhanced by a top notch cast that all do solid if not spectacular work. I realize I am in the minority here but I think Ben Affleck does a terrific job as Batman. Affleck's caped crusader is a grizzled, aching and aging icon struggling to keep up with his more supernaturally endowed colleagues and keep the undefeated father time at bay. Affleck is not an actor whose work I have been impressed with over his career, but his brooding Batman is second only to Christian Bale, and it isn't a distant second either.

Gal Gadot is simply sublime as Wonder Woman for the second time this year. Gadot is such a charismatic, magnetic and dynamic power it is impossible to keep your eyes off of her when she is on screen. Gadot's commanding screen presence never feels forced or disingenuous, but always feels grounded, earthy and forceful.  

Jason Mamoa and Ezra Miller do solid supporting work as Aquaman and Flash. Their roles are used to good comedic effect in Justice League (they do most of the previously mentioned "lightening up") but they could have been greatly bungled in the hands of lesser actors. Both Mamoa and Miller never push too hard and they make specific choices for their characters while never settling for half measures when bringing them to life. I don't know if Aquaman or the Flash will be able to carry a film on their own, but we shall see soon enough. 

As for my biggest issues with Justice League…the first and most pressing issue was that the CGI seemed to be rather sub par. Steppenwolf was the arch villain in the film and instead of using a human actor, they made him entirely of CGI. The CGI simply did not look real or believable and so it felt like the members of the Justice League were fighting a really evil cartoon character. 

Another example of bad CGI is such a remarkable tale it demands retelling. The opening scene of the film shows a flashback of Henry Cavill as Superman being interviewed on a video phone by some local kids. Cavill, who is impossibly handsome, looks very...weird in the scene. I couldn't place it at first, but there was something wrong with his face. As I looked closer I could see his mouth was deformed. I started wondering if Henry Cavill in real life had an accident or been sick and was left with some sort of facial paralysis or something. I noticed the same issue at other points in the film featuring Cavill as well and was completely distracted by it every time. When I got home I searched the internet and found out the story behind the bizarre look of Superman. 

The story goes that Cavill was signed on to shoot Mission Impossible 6 (God help us all) once he wrapped shooting Justice League. Justice League director Zack Snyder stepped away from the film in post-production due to the death of his daughter and Joss Whedon stepped in to replace him. The studio wanted Whedon to do a plethora of re-shoots to change the tone of the film which they feared was too dark like Batman v. Superman. Whedon complied and did a great deal of re-shoots to the sum of $25 million. Bringing back Cavill for Superman was tricky though because he was currently shooting MI6 and had grown a mustache for his role and was contractually obligated to not shave it off for the duration of that shoot. So Warner Brothers, the studio of Justice League, which had a budget of $300 million, was at the mercy of Paramount, the home studio of Mission Impossible, in regards to their star Superman. Paramount, not surprisingly since they are not in the business of making life easy for their competition, wouldn't let Cavill get rid of the mustache. So billion dollar company Warner Brothers, who was spending $300 million on Justice League, was not allowed to walk down to CVS and get a Bic razor for 99 cents in order to shave the face of the star of their movie. The movie business is completely and utterly insane. 

Superman and Steppenwolf's faces aren't the only missteps in Justice League. The enormity of the plot was a bit burdensome as well. All of these superhero movies now revolve around end of the world cataclysms that seem to me to be overkill. Whether it is the Justice League or the Avengers or anyone else, the threat of global annihilation is so overplayed as to be ridiculously redundant. And as much as I think Steppenwolf in theory is an excellent villain (although as stated he didn't look right in the film) and his minions the para-demons are quality Miltonian/Boschean foils, the scenario presented by their assault on Earth felt much too similar to The Avengers plots with Loki or Ultron. In execution I think Justice League pulled that scenario off better than The Avengers, but that doesn't make their lack of originality any less of a creative sin. 

The political subtext of Justice League is pretty interesting. Steppenwolf is a Putin-esque, power hungry warlord who begins his quest for total world domination in what is alleged to be a small Russian town but looks an awful lot like Chernobyl in Ukraine. Justice League accurately captures the divided mess that is our current world as we stagger and stumble from a uni-polar world protected by Superman/U.S. to a multi-polar world reigned over by God knows who, that acts like a bi-polar world. 

The Justice League itself is obviously a metaphor for the United Nations or the defunct League of Nations, in which the good guys protect the globe from the bad guys. Of course, life is never as clearly defined as that, and in our world it is becoming more and more difficult to discover who is good and who is bad. To Justice League's credit, the good guys aren't always so good and they struggle to find their place in the world.

After seeing Justice League I did something I rarely do, which is go read other reviews of the film. Critics have savaged the film with an unabashed glee and seem to have a pre-disposition against the movie. While it was never stated, I think that predisposition to critical displeasure with Justice League (and Batman V. Superman) may have to do with critics subconsciously comparing the film to the last "Batman" movies which were Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy which are a far, far superior collection of films. Any superhero films compared to the Dark Knight Trilogy will pale in comparison as Nolan has raised the superhero bar beyond anyone’s reach with those phenomenal films. To be extremely clear, Batman v. Superman and Justice League are not The Dark Knight series, not even remotely close, but that doesn't mean they are completely devoid of any redeeming value.

The mythic and archetypal energies at the core of all of these these superhero stories, be they DC or Marvel, is the same, it is just the window dressing that changes. The core archetypes at the heart of superhero stories are what resonate with our collective psyches. Just as the Greeks told stories of their Gods, we tell stories of our mythic gods…Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman and Flash. These comic book characters and the Greek gods are the same archetypes but are only wearing different masks. 

In conclusion, I found Justice League to be a pleasant surprise of a movie that wasn't great, but was certainly better than its buzz would indicate. Justice League is a solid companion piece to Batman v Superman and in fact enhances that film a great deal in hindsight. If you love superhero films then I recommend you go see Justice League in the theatre while it is still there. If you are lukewarm or ambivalent about superhero films then you can definitely skip it in the theatre and catch it at your leisure on cable or Netflix. And finally, in this holiday season when we anticipate a bounty of gifts beneath the Christmas tree, let Justice League be a lesson to us all, that low expectations are the golden key to a happy existence. 

©2017